I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
