And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
