bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
