The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She bit a glass in half.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
