dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
