The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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