i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
