Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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