when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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