I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize