Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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