I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So squirting runs in the family.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
