if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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