Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
