I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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