You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
