Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
