just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
