Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
