I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
