Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
