I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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