Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
