Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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