Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we're making bets on your personal life
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
