Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
