okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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