i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize