We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize