I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
