he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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