im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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