Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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