Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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