We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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