chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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