yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
