guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
