just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
