I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
