just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
