We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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