The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize