Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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