Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Someone shattered a urinal.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You've changed since you got that strap on
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
