when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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