I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Come see our sink grown plant.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
