i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
