I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
