Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
