I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
