Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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