Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
