That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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