May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
