So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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