When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Randomize