No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Too much gin, very little bucket
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
