It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
