WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
